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I am the plate that fixes a heavy, black chain which whips and pulls with a dagger on its end, tracing curves through the Husserlian space of all mental states.

kung-fu magic.

Kung-fu magic

fighting for, at least, something
to hold on to
That's what I know.
I'm about as alive as I can remember,
and for now, I can't seem to remember very much.

It's not that I feel, what, without life
It's more like
The barriers of memory
confine
what and how
I think of myself

For instance:
 there are times that I forget music.
Strange, because
I've been
playing music
longer than I
can remember.
I mean: really.

Some of my first memories are
playing my mother's grand piano,
bought fresh from the admiral's wife,
with higher strings
slightly rusted
from the belly
of a cargo ship,
that drifting Italian,
toward our Chesapeake.
Slammed for drama,
keys pressed like
"the day Abraham Lincoln was shot."
that's what I named it.

Quarter,
 to half,
to competition violins
crying over
a cracked bridge
in the back of a church
for old, bitter Olga.

I learned bass because
I dropped our new,
red, Mexican fender,
strangely bigger
and heavier
to my uncertain
8 year old hands.

my life can be told with music,
yet sometimes I forget.
Not just sometimes.
We're not being fair, though.
It's not really the same thing as forgetting
it's that sometimes, like earlier,
the thoughts we have are
just not including...
and...
it's not included.

Who am I?
What have I done?
Oh, god, what have I done?!
I'm fighting for myself,
against the boundaries of
our totally context sensitive lives
kung-fu magic.

huh...I see.

blink

blink

blink

blink

blink

blink

blink

blink

...interesting.

I erased the first line

I don't know
how to feel

a river of
small blocks
flows around
my body

no slip condition
no slip condition
small blocks
flow around
my body

black cubes
axes blue
tumbling through
dark space
in liquid

turbulence
forms shapes
and
unbeknownst
familiarity
springs
gushing
springs
over my
unfamiliar
unfamiliar
unfamiliar
life

splashes
cool
against my
eyelids
protected
behind glass


behind glass
I rest
protected
eyelids
sleep

sleep

cluster spirals

there is a purpose
to our patterns and shapes
existence now
leaves a legacy
which
best
corresponds
to a precise time and place,
a point, relatively defined.

over time, this
relatively defined
point
  ojidvoijsvoijxc
   () }{ () }{ ()
becomes a trace
 oijsdfoijojisdfoij
  () }{ () }{ ()
of many paths
 fdsjiojoifdsjoioij
  () }{ () }{ ()
a set of paths
 oijfdsojioijsdfoij
  () }{ () }{ ()
cluster spirals
 fdsoijpsdfpoijdsf
  () }{ () }{ ()

if we choose
to view the world
only in the present
only in what causes
it all looks...
so bleak

but nah man
cluster spirals
form and spasm
chaotic
directions
facing what
comes to be.

yet, what
comes to be
has order
(even with disorder)

yea-ah-ah-ah
b'ti (um)
yea-ah-ah-ah
b'ti (um)

and with disorder
we draw shapes
in lines
along the order
we experience
...
we experience
...
and with disorder
we draw shapes
in lines
in order
to experience

it ain't bleak
jss' disorder
yea-ah-ah-ah
b'ti (um)
yea-ah-ah-ah
b'ti (um)
...
we experience.
b'ti (um)
we experience
b'ti (um)
(um) ti (um)
(um) ti (um)
(um) ti (um) ti

music

music
auditory experience
visual experience
body experience

we control ourselves,
through our claw,
a spine,
with nerves
which send
for muscles
to contract
(and organs).

we feel our body
as we have fingers
with our neck
as our wrist.

dancing with
our fingertips
we glide
throughout life.

auditory experience
visual experience
body experience

why does my hand care,
whether I live or die?
whether I live or die?
whether I live or die?

they are cells
that do what they do
and because they do
I give them food

my pastrami sandwich
gives them life
and giving them life
gives me life
and for that...
I am thankful.


auditory experience
visual experience
body experience

oh, no.
music.

did you ever think of music?
as sound?
a dynamic?
we're a dynamic.
a big fucking disco.
a big fucking disco.
a big fucking disco.
a big fucking disco.
...
phew.

light.
moves faster than waves.
I mean, pressure waves.
it gives us the
most information
and that!--the fastest.
...
what we see--
what we feel,
is what we say
is happening.


auditory experience
visual experience
body experience

but happening...

that's happening

at coarser time scales

cause

single cells

don't know love.

don't know love.

cause
single cells
don't know love.